definenormal884

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 05:56:07 GMT

So in the past month my life has done a complete 360. I started at Taco Mac in August and it was awesome, I felt great. I was doing something productive for a change. I was really really happy and everything was going perfect. Then I started retaining a little bit of fluid, so I tried to watch my salt cause that can sometimes help. That didn't work, so my doctor upped my diuretics...a lot. That still didn't work..So fifteen pounds later Mom said I had to go in to the hospital. I obviously didn't want to go cause I was enjoying working and who wants to go to the hospital? So I go and they did a biopsy the next day. Dr. Maley came in afterwards to talk to us about the biopsy. He sat down and he looks at me and he says. "Your wedge is 18 and your CVP is 21" (Those are heart pressures and the wedge is supposed to be 5-7 and the CVP is supposed to be 3-5) "Your tricuspid valve is leaking and you have Mild Early Cornary Disease. You need a new heart. We can list you for another transplant, send you home on heart meds or you can do nothing."
I was still a little drugged from the meds they gave me from the biopsy but I knew what he was saying. I went back to sleep. I woke up a few hours later and knew it had to have been a dream. I asked my mom and she told me again what Dr. Maley had said. I couldn't believe it. I still can't...how could my heart the heart that I've had for way over half of my life be giving up? How could it not work anymore? After everything I fought through when I was younger, how could it be coming back? How could one of the options be to not doing anything? And how the hell could they leave it up to me?
I didn't understand what was happening. I didn't want another transplant, I worked so hard to get this one and to make it work. And now I had to start back at square one. I wasn't old enough to make that kind of descion. I just couldn't bring myself to do it...I was so scared..and everyone was pressuring me. My mom, my sister, my dad and the rest of my family. I just couldn't stop thinking "Why me again?"
A couple days later I knew that I had to tell them to list me. What kind of thank you would that be to the little boy who gave me this heart to just give up when the tough got going again? And of course I couldn't do that to my family after how hard they worked to get me where I am today. So I told them to relist me. Everything is done, we're just waiting for Medicaid to approve it. But the transplant cordinators are trying to just get an administrative go ahead because I'm going down hill very fast. My body has used up all it's back ups basically to keep me going while I was working.
I want to go back to work and I'm going to try, I want to do as much as I can for as long as I can, but we'll see how it goes. I don't know that I've ever been more scared in my life than I have been these past couple of weeks, I'm always on edge. Little things set me off, and I hate it.
The transplant cordinators asked me if I wanted to talk to someone who had a second transplant, and I said only if they were my age. She told us that there was a guy named Danny who is 25 and he had a transplant when he was 14 and he's on the list for another one. He's been waiting for 3 1/2 years. I can't imagine waiting that long. But we've hung out a couple times and it's awesome. I've never been able to talk to someone on the same level as me like that. We're going through the same things, we understand each other and it's so nice to have that. I swear all the money in the world couldn't buy better therapy than this. He just gets it. Like no one else. And it's really really awesome to have someone that you know you can talk to about stuff and they while being positive also understand how hard it is.

Sun, 19 Mar 2006 03:21:22 GMT

I hung out with Kyle last night. It was alot of fun, but now I really like him again and I feel like I shouldn't have hung out with him maybe cause e him again and I feel like I shouldn't have hung out with him maybe cause I was not liking him anye him again and I feel like I shouldn't have hung out with him maybe cause I was not liking him anymore. Ack, oh well. It was alot of e him again and I feel like I shouldn't have hung out with him maybe cause I was not liking him anymore. Ack, oh well. It was alot of fun.

I just got done watching 'In her Shoes' and it was really cute. It kinda reminded me of me and my sister. Except I'm not a slut, I don't get drunk all the time, and I can read. But it just made me think that maybe Renee's gonna get this wonderful job and have this wonderful life and I'm gonna be stuck depending on her for the rest of my life. Just a thought.

Fri, 10 Mar 2006 22:39:30 GMT

I don't have mono, but they don't know what I have. The doctor said I might just need to get my tonsils out which is what I told them to do in the first place. My tonsils are touching it's so gross. you know that thing that hangs down in the back of your throat? (I don't know what it's called me and my sisters always called it a ding dong cause it looked like a bell) Anyway that thing keeps getting stuck on my tonsils. I'd take a picture and put it on here but I doubt anyone wants to see it. I've lost 10lbs in a week, cause I haven't eaten anything cause it hurts my throat and nothiing tastes or sounds good. We got Girl Scout Cookies the Thin Mints *drools* but they don't taste good and I don't want to eat them. I don't know what't wrong with me but it's the most vile illness ever. I'm gonna ask mommy to take me to the store so I can get Harry Potter and she will cause I'm a spoiled brat, she loves me, and I haven't asked for anything reasonable in a week. I'm gonna get the third one too. I only saw it once. I hope they still have some in stock...

Driving is scary, like woah

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 03:31:57 GMT

So I finally got my learners two fridays ago I guess it was, and it's scary. First of all I barely passed the laws but as long as you know the signs you're pretty much ok nd I got a hundred on that so w00t w00t go me. So I passed and I did the vision test and what not and they were issuing the liscense or something like that and they were like "we can't give it to you because it says you dropped out of school." and I was like what the fuck? I had my certificate of attendence. Fucking south Forsyth said that I dropped out because I withdrew from the school because I wasn't able to stay awake and make it from class to class, so the guidence consulor(sp?) dude told mom to withdraw me and take online classes cause they didn't want to do homebound. Ugh I was so pissed but it said that I dropped out January 26, 2005 so it went away January 27, 2006. So whatever I got my permit and dad took me out driving in unfinshed neighboorhoods and stuff like that and mom's been letting me drive to the gas station that's like .2 seconds outside of t he nieghboorhood. So we were taking my friend Marissa home the other day and mom let me drive cause we took all the back roads and I only had to get on a main main road for like a minuet if that. So I was driving and it was scary, this guy was on my ass and I got honked at twice and mom kept screaming and grabbing the wheel then I'd have to swerve so I wouldn't hit oncoming traffic or signs. It was scary.

I need it back but nothing can take back time.

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 02:49:32 GMT

I had my biopsy today and I have good news and bad news. The good news is that my lungs are fine and it's all my airway's fault that I can't breathe. The bad news is that my airway is so messed up that they can't do what they wanted to do. Dr. Rutter is gonna do another bone graft. I had one last summer but it looks like they never did anything now. Dr. Rutter figured out that if you set the graft farther in it has a better chance of working and not being pushed back out. (which happend to my last one). There's alse a problem with my arytenoids. Arytenoids I think help mobilize you're vocal chords or somthing like that. The definition sucks. But mine are ethier in the way of my airway and that's why I have to work so hard to breathe or they're protecting me from aspirating. When you eaat/drink your vocal chords cover your airway and that's how food and drink goes to your stomach and not your lungs. Since one or both of my vocal chords are paralyzed they're not top notch for that job and my arytenoids maybe doing that for me. Unfourtunatly the only way to find out if get the surgery and if I can breathe better my arytenoids are protecting my airway and if I can't breathe better we need to do something about them. Dr. Rutter is a cool guy and I feel really confident that he can do a good job on my airway and do what he needs to do.
Anywho, I'm coming home tomorrw! I'm so happy I can't wait to be at home.

I'd settle for a life less frightening...

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 04:25:32 GMT

I havent written in forever... I don't know where to start. Uhhhh Xmas was pretty cool I got to see everyone and that made me happy. James and I broke up but it's ok I'm not bummed, we never got to see eachother plus sopposovly(sp) he's a whore. I went to Missouri over New Years, I got to see my family that I havent seen in a while. It was really good to go see my Great Uncle Tom that almost died over ths summer, and my Great Aunt Rosie. They're all doing really good.

I'm in cinncinati right now we're meeting with all the doctors and stuff so that I can have my surgery over the summer. We met with Cardiology and Pulmonolgy today and we got good news. Me not being able to breathe is mostly because of my airway, not my lungs. So everyone cross thier fingers and pray that Dr. Rutter can help me. It's pretty spiffy, everyone here has heard of this guy. Cinncinati is really cool. We're like 5 minuets from the Ohio River. We went there last night.
There was snow on the fround, mommy took pictures.

This is downtown Cincinnati.

Sun, 18 Dec 2005 00:06:06 GMT

so I got my drumset and me and my stepbrother set it up and I think the highhat is on wrong and I think we put the heads on the bassdrum backwards. but it's pretty spiffy.

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 17:57:16 GMT

Hellejuia Hellejuia Hellejuia Hellejuia I passed World History with an 80. YES BITCH. I was so scared I was gonna fail that class. So i'm almost positive I failed the band final but most everyone does I think. I'm so glad to be out of school. I miss everyone so much. I hope I get to see them alot over the break. I'm so definatly having everyone over here sometime. I don't know when and I know my step dad is gonna bitch but he can kiss me ass. So I'm officially a scaredy cat my 10 year old brother makes fun od me because of it. It's all Chelse and Marissa's fault they made me watch Saw, now I keep getting scared and having bad dreams and not being able to sleep at night. It blows big time. I'm soposed to hang out with Kyle sometime so I'm excited about that I havent seen him in forever.

Thu, 15 Dec 2005 02:03:22 GMT

so I passed my first and second period classes with Bs. Oh Yes. I can't wait for school to get out/ I'm wiggin outabout finals I wasnt nervous til today, and now I'm freaking out about my History final on friday. I really don't want to have to take that class over again. I miss everyone so much. So much has happend since I've seen everyone and I don't know half of it. I still hate my school but I like most of the people I've met there and through school. I still firmy beleive McKay has shot the band to hell but what are you gonna do? Not everyone can be a Grand Champion band, or even get a supperior for that matter. I'm getting a set for X-mas and it should be here soon/ I'm excited I don't know how to play set though. But James said he'd teach me. I'm gonna suck at it but it's ok it'll be fun and it'll give me something to do.

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 23:23:18 GMT

So I'm obbsessed with this song The Freshmen by Verve Pipe. It's kind of an old song,(like 90's) but I keep listening to it and I love it and I don't really know why. It's my mommy's birthday so we're going out to eat at Bahama Breeze with the whole family. I can't really say I'm looking foward to seeing my family but I want to be there for my mommy and I'm gonna go with a happy face. I love my family but they kinda creep me out sometimes. Especially my unlce and my grandpa they're always making comments about how pretty I am and it may seem like I should be happy about it, but it's the way they say it. They're the reason I hate having boobs. But other than that life's going pretty good. I miss the possum and I miss James. It sucks not being able to drive.

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 01:50:27 GMT

I have't written in a long time. I guess I haven't really had anything to write about. Brookwood beat Dacula in the semi final game on Saturday. It was so awesome. They're a game away from a perfect season. I wanna go so bad but it's in Valdosta. We have 2 and a half weeks left of school so I'm pretty excited and kinda worried. We're having a mock wedding in one of my classes and I'm a Groomsmen so I get to wear a tux. I'm gonna be so bitchin. I started talking to Kyle again the other day, and we're gonna hang out over the break, and i'm not sure if that's an extremly good idea. I mean I know I'm not gonna do anything but I'm worried I'll start liking him again and I don't want to, because I have James now and yea.

I finally saw Harry Potter today. It was amazing. I cried at the end though. :( Marissa made fun of me.

Mon, 14 Nov 2005 20:14:04 GMT

So I have to get airway surgery again cause the one I had this summer didn't work. I have to go to Cincinati for it though. Soposvly the doctor that I'm going to this time is really really good. People come from all over the world to see this guy so that's encouraging. I have to stay in 'Nati for a month after the surgery. I told James and he told me he was gonna come with me and stay by my side the whole time and hold my hand, and when I wake up in the morning he's gonna say "good morning beautiful" And he doesnt think he's sweet.

Sun, 13 Nov 2005 23:57:33 GMT

I just got home from the Mall with James, MArissa, and Chlese. Chelse had to leave early though. :( Marissa is an amazing friend. She agreed to go to the mall with me and James even though she knew Chelse had to leave. I want to do something for her but I don't know what. If anyone has any ideas let me know. I'm really happy, I really like James. He's really sweet and funny. And he tells me I'm beutiful alot. It's so sweet. I wish I could send pictures from my phone to the computer. *sigh* They're making an ice skating rink at the Mall of Georgia and I'm gonna get James to come with me. I'm so cheesy, but what's sweeter than ice skating together? Oh and Dacula is gonna lose to Brookwood. It'll be great cause I'm going to the game and of course I'll wear my Brookwood Jacket or something but yea and James is in the Dacula band.

This Weekend

Mon, 29 Aug 2005 01:32:46 GMT

Friday we had a game against Apalache, they had a really big band and really good show and nice uniforms. And they reminded me of Brookwood and I wanted to cry. :( But apparently the band was saying stuff about our band at halftime. And well so was I, but I'm allowed to I'm apart of the band. It's just stupid little things like technique, such as holding the mallets right, when your not playing holding the mallets above the keyboard, playing out, and stupid little things like that that judges are gonna count off for at competitions. And I try to tell Patrick who's the main one who's doing it and he's like "I'm the teacher not you" and it's so annoying, yea maybe he's better at actually playing mallets than me, but if you put me next to him with technique there's no competition. Everyone hated Dickenson (the pit instructor freshmen year) but he knows what looks good he knows how to win competions and we did. I'm not the best drummer in the world by any means and I don't pretend to be, but when I tell you you should do something it's because I know exactly what I'm talking about. I practice my technique so at least I have that if nothing else.

Saturday I went to Mallory's for her Sweet 16 party. We went to Stone Mountain in the afternoon and stayed for the laser show which is awesome cause my family went Friday night and I wanted to go really bad but I had a game. It was so much fun. Here's some of the pictures I took.

I miss everyone so much. It really sucks when I see them cause I half want to cry cause I know nothing's what it used to be like. We used to be all so close, now I've grown apart from them and it's no one's fault it's just circumstances. I feel bad that I don't get to see everyone more often, but again that's just curcumstances. I'm gonna have my birthday thing in two weeks, so the tenth, I'll have to call Kato and see if she's doing anything then. But it's at my dad's and my daddy can take 3 people, but I can't narrow it down to three, so I guess if Kato comes Jimmy will come and maybe one or two people can ride with Jimmy. Or maybe my mommy can help cause god knows my step mommy won't. I don't know I'll figure it out.
This weekend was the best weekend I've had in a long long long time.

Wed, 24 Aug 2005 00:43:11 GMT

Apprently I'm pretty naive, I never thought the first thing people would notice about me was my scar. (dumb on my part) but apprently some people in my math class noticed that. Marissa this girl in pit who I've been hanging out with who is in my math class as well told me that there were some girls that thought my scar was gross that i needeed to put make up on it and find that it's more important to make up ways that i got my scar than doing their math work. this girl aperently said that I slit my throat... twice or someone else did. (once for each scar right?)I feel really stupid and hurt and embarrassed. I always knew people noticed my scar cause some people asked me about it, but i never thought that people would notice my scar before my green hair.

I love my band class, it's so fun. there's the drumline/pit and then percussion students (some kids that want to learn percussion and some kids who just want an easy class). there's this kid Chris that everyone calls Fonze cause his last name is Fonzi or something like that, but anyway this kid is hillarious, he tells me everyday he loves my hair and he thinks it's the coolest thing that i have a wallet chain instead of a purse. and this kid Lee who is like this hardxcore kid and he's really cute and he has his lip pierced but he's like 14. so anyway, me and Marissa don't have music so Mckay told us to go with the percussion students and practice stick control and stuff like that. so we were in there and Chris starts drumming on my thiegh and he was playing the peice we were soposed to play and he goes "hey i got it right and i can't do it on the floor you're leg must be good luck or something" and i was like "yea that's it" and kinda laughed and he kept playing on my leg it was so weird. then Lee started playing on my leg and i was like "that's my leg does it look like a drumming pad to you?" and they were like yea, so i was just like whatever it was so funny. and so i started playing on Chris's leg and then he played on mine and so did Lee so I played on Lee's leg and yea it was fun. but when it was time to pack up Lee helped me up. it wasn't like i needed it or anything but it was so cute. and then Chris started drumming on my wallet.....in my back pocket. and then Lee tried to take a picture of me and he finally got me to take a picture with Chris and Chris looks like he's about to go crazy, it was so funny.
At band practice we didn't do anything we listened to music and played in the rain it was much fun. :) I'm gonna be 17 on Thursday *dances* I can't wait til the 27th when i get to see everyone for Ma;'s birthday I miss everyone!

nothing like waiting til the last minuet

Sun, 21 Aug 2005 05:59:08 GMT

My Grandma turned 80 last week so we're having a surprise birthday party for her tommorow, and we're making a scrapbook for her. well if you've ever made a scrap book a good one you know how long it takes. heh yea well we had my 3 aunts come over one who just drove here today from Chicago and the other two that live not too far away my sister and two of my cousins here to work on the scrap book and well heh we didn't get started til 10 o 'clock it's a quauter to two and we're still not done. i'm downloading music for CDs we're gonna make so yea fun fun fun.
Me and my cousin Tasia got really close over the summer last year cause we had alot of things in common like the whole step dad situation and she was an atheist and stuff like that and now she's all christian and she hardly listens to any secuallar music and she tells people about god and stuff and it's kind of annoying cause she tries to push it on me, and i'm like i beleive in god i just don't understand why god can be so cruel and so wonderful and i have a hard time beleiving in a book and she's like "you just have to have faith" and i'm like i get that from my mom everyday i don't need it from you. and it really sucks cause we don't really have anything in common anymore, and i always got along better with her than with anyone else in my family. i'm really glad that she found that and everything i just hate that she tries to push it on me.

Sat, 20 Aug 2005 15:07:22 GMT

My week went pretty good, I was really excited and really frustrated, last night was our first game and i was really excited cause every game i've ever been to with the band has been awesome, but it wasnt as fun as i was expecting, partly because me and Marissa (the other girl in pit) didn't have any music, partly because the drumline sucks compared to Brookwood's they only have one cadence (sp) and it's cool and all but Brookwood just had so many and the line was so much bigger so you could hear the line up at the school from the field, partly cause i was expecting the game to be like a Brookwood game, but mostly cause I didn't have all my friends all around me and i'd look around and see everyone with their friends and it just made me sad. But yea at the beginning of the game it looked horrible our guys couldn't tackle a guy if their life depended on it, and their uniforms are EXACTLY like Brookwood's well their away jerseys are anyway and that pissed me off i was like "pfffbt you don't deserve to wear that jersey" but anyway we play pop songs in the stands, Love Shack and Gimme some Lovin' and i guess that's cool but it's a football game ugh, i don't know i guess if I quit comparing everything to Brookwood it would be better.

If we don't have music tuesday i'm gonna scream.

first three days at Mill Creek

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 00:39:12 GMT

I started School monday at Mill Creek, and I was really scared to go cause i didn't really know too many people just the drumline and a few other people in band and my step brother. but it wasnt bad there's a girl that went to Brookwood in one of my classes. the first day went good i didn't really have much problems finding my classes, then yesterday i got lost i went down the wrong hallway and was like 5 minuets late for class. but they suck about dress code they're like 'we're enforcing dress code severly" bullshit they're these little hoe bags with their shirts above their belly buttons and it's gross. i have 2D art, individual family devolpment, band, language arts, math, and world history. band is pretty fun, except we don't do anything but sit around and talk. the pit is gonna suck yay! but i had a good day today and tommorow we have another 3 hour band practice YES!

hair cut

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 17:35:43 GMT

i got my hair cut and colored on monday it looks awesome see?

um i'm moving in with mom today, and i start school monday, i'm kinda worried, worried that i won't be able to find my classes, cause i've only been in 2 parts of the school. and i don't have my schedule yet cause i just registered yesterday and yea it sucks but oh well what are you gonna do? but yea that's all i have to say i should go finish packing.

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 17:01:46 GMT

So I was lying in bed last night and band came into my mind and then I was like I have to remember to bring my music with me…shit where is my music? I looked on my dresser where it was. My step mom fucking threw it away. My music for band is gone. It was on my dresser it wasn’t like it was laying around somewhere and she fucking threw it away. So basically I’m screwed. My mom calls me today and was like “we can’t get your hair done today I can’t do it all” and I was like “what? I said to get it done Monday and you said let’s get it done Saturday and I got all excited and now you’re changing it”. And she was like “I can’t do it all, hunny, I’ve got to get paperwork done for my car so I can get a new one and mike’s gonna help me pay for it” and I was like “mike helping you pay for your car has nothing to do with me getting my hair done” and she was like “it doesn’t matter the point is I can’t do it all plus I thought you’d like to spend some time with your dad” and I was like “dad’s at work” and she was like “oh well whatever you need to pack” “I don’t have any boxes” “well get things together I can’t get your hair done today I can’t do it all by myself you’re dad doesn’t do anything” and that pissed me off dad does a lot of stuff mom is just so set on doing everything herself and that’s not my fault or dad’s.

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 02:31:07 GMT

So I, went to the airway doctor Tuesday, cause I was having trouble breathing. And well basically I’m screwed. The guy comes from Cincinnati, and that’s the biggest airway repair place in the US. And he was like, “Rachael has the most complicated airway I’ve ever seen.” So I was like “hey thanks you made me feel a lot better.” So he’s gonna do another bronch with the adult airway specialist to see if he has any bright ideas. If not he’s gonna send me to Cincinnati and see what they can do for me. I also saw the lung doctor and my lungs are doing well. He was pleased so that made me feel good.

I’m getting my hair cut tomorrow and I don’t really know how I want it. I want it shorter that it was when I got it cut a few months ago but I don’t know if that would look good. And I’m getting turquoise streaks so I’m excited. :)

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 03:32:54 GMT

so everyone's at band camp and i'm glad they're there cause band camp is always fun but i can't get a hold of them so i don't know if we're still going to the warped tour and i will seriously cry if i don't go. I've been waiting since last July to go and now i don't know if we're still going.

me and my mommy are going to the Fox Theater tommorow to see the Music Man. I've never heard of it but my mommy wants to take me and i miss my mommy and i want to spend time with her and it's just gonna be me and her so i'm going. Phantom of the Opera is gonna be at the Fox August 31st and i really wanna go but i doubt i will cause it'll prolly be sold out and really expensive to get tickets.

It feels like everything i've been looking foward to is crumbling it sucks. i hope i have fun with band and everything. i knew i should have at least tried to stick it out at band camp but oh well all the doctors thought it was too much and i still can't breathe so i'm going to the doctor tommorow. i don't know what he can do in his office but maybe he can at least give me some reassurance.

i was talking to my daddy the other night and he told me that he thought i had my head on straighter than my sister did and that made me happy :) cause i always thought everyone thought i was crazy and my sister was the sane one.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY I just heard from Pam and she wants to go but she doesn't know if she can but i dunno but it still makes me feel better :D oo i still gotta get those pants. well shorts but ya know whatever. maybe i can get mommy to take me by the mall so i can see if they have them at hot topic because i'm a scence hot topic kid and all *puts on sunglasses*

stupid parents suck

Sat, 23 Jul 2005 17:05:51 GMT

so i woke up this morning to my phone vibrating on my desk and then my ringtone so i dragged my ass out of bed (by that time i knew it was mom from the ringtone and no one else calls me at 12:00 on a saturday morning) so i got up and got my phone and layed back down and my mom (in a really cheery voice) was like "Good morning hunny" i hate when she does that so me being the little angel that i am said "good morning sunshine" but i was still half asleep so she goes "oh were you sleeping?" and i was like "no i've just been jetlagging travelling for 8 hours and i was up at 7" needless to say she got all pissed and told me to call her back when i was in a better mood. so i finally got back to sleep then i heard a baby crying. *rolls eyes* my step sister already dropped off her neice. my step mom doesn't know how to take care of kids thank god renee will be here at some point or jenifer would never see "little jackie testermen" alive again. flicker (that's what we call the baby) kept crying so i ran downstairs and i said "hey jackie what's a matter?" and she smiled so janice got pissed but she never lets you know but things like that piss her off. and then she cried again when i walked away so i ran down my checklist? "did you check her diaper?" "yes" "when was the last time she ate?" an hour ago" "well her teeth probbally hurt her" sure enough i put some cold water on her pacefire and she got happy. the kids 4 months old she's got teeth and her mom dropped her off at the grandparents house so she can go get trashed at a wedding with her husband and work buddies. A+ on your parenting job there.

Sat, 23 Jul 2005 01:15:20 GMT

I just got back from Flordia like an hour ago my whole family from my dad's side was there. i was really excited about going... then i got there and the humidity made it hard for me to breathe and i couldn't do anything and my sister was being a bitch all she did the whole time we were there was insult my music, my clothes, my hair, my personality, what i think is hot on a guy, all the guys in avenged sevenfold are hot in my oppionon, they all have tattos and piercings and wear eyeliner my sister saw a picture of them and started going off about how she doubts they're good people because of the way they dress which pissed me off and i was finally just like "screw you and your sterotypes i bet you anything my friends and alot of people who in your oppionon are "satan worshipers" are better people than any of your friends it doesn't matter what they're job is or if they have tattos and piercings and wear eyeliner that doesn't make them a bad person, they're more intelligent than you or any of your friends are they see life for what it is and don't try to make it all seem like bunnys and fluffy clouds and you can look at life any way you want but that's the way life is it sucks sometimes other times it's good and they sing about all of that so screw you and your abercrombie take on life" or something along those lines and she was just like "yea cause your little coke heads are better than my friends" and i just told her to fuck off and walked away. my cousin who's 12 acts like he's my age he was talking about how this chick on the plane who was 13 was hot had blonde hair big boobs and a nice ass and he got her number. and i was like oh goody you got all the important things *rolls eyes* but he's had "girlfriend" for like 4 years but she's about to move and he was talking about how he made out with a bunch of girls at a party or somthing and i was just like ok wow i don't want to know that my 12 year old cousin's getting it on at a party or whatever. he's basically a younger male version of renee only he's funnier and has common sence (for the most part).

my uncle was all bummed out cause he and his girlfriend of 6 years broke up a couple months ago and she's now going out with this guy who's 23 and she's 38 and he's got tattos and piercings and he lives with her and her 14 year old daughter and their room is right across from the daughter's and it's always been what's best for Jess (the daughter) and Jess isn't comfortable being in the house with him so she's been staying with her dad and apprently she doesn't exactly have the best dad in the world and Amy (the ex girlfriend) said she was gonna break up with this guy but she was over there yesterday and Greg (my uncle) was like what are you doing over there you said you were gonna break up with him and i was really considering giving you another chance and she was saying how she loved him too much for this to be happening and he was like what? you're over at this guys house and you love me and she was like well your out of town what am i soposed to do? so he was just like whatever it's over and apprenly Amy called Jess and then Jess called Alex (my cousin) they're really good friends she was all upset and with good reason and it's a really bad situation and Greg ended up having too much to drink last night and it was really sad it kills me to be around my dad's side of the family cause they all drink too much and they all smoke except for my dad my aunt sue and aunt jane dad drinks a bit too much for me but my grandpa was an alcholic and he drank himself to death he died the spring before i was born.

my sister did her 'i have a boyfriend but he's not here so it's ok' thing she kept checking out all these guys and i was just wanted to grab her and yell at her be like "YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND A GREAT BOYFRIEND HE'S WRAPPED AROUND YOUR LITTLE FINGER HE'D DO ANYTHING FOR YOU HE PUTS UP WITH ALL YOUR LITTLE PREMADONNA SHIT IF I WAS HIM I'D HAVE DROPPED YOUR ASS THE FIRST TIME YOU TOLD ME HOW TO DRESS QUIT TRYING TO LOOK FOR SOMETHING BETTER WHEN WHAT YOU HAVE IS GREAT" but she doesn't get it and i'm gonna laugh the first time she gets her heart broken cause she's a bitch and she needs to relize she's not better than anyone especially me cause she has blonde hair and daddy wrapped around her finger it makes me sick. she's stupid she needs to go away and get a reality check she thinks she's so much better than everyone for whatever reason it is at that point in time it pisses me off that she's so judgemental.

my uncle Marc asked renee what type of guys she likes and she was like "preppy, they have to dress nice my family has to like them my friends have to like him..." and just went on and and on for like 10 minuets on requirements for a guy and then my uncle was like "how about you rachael?" and i was like it doesn't matter as long as he treats me good" renee whips her head around "you don't care if your family likes him or not?" and i was like "no why should i look for a guy to impress mom and dad with? all mom and dad want is for me to be happy and if he treats me good that would make me happy therefore mom and dad would eventually get over whatever it is they don't like about him" and she goes "what if he was a druggie?" and i was just like "what? first of all despite what you may think just because they don't wear abercrombie doesn't mean they're a druggie or a satanist or whatever else it is that you have in your little mind there's just as many preppy druggies as there are "goth" or whatever you want to call them druggies" and she just kept coming up with other possible things that could be wrong with a guy because of course it's me i'm gonna pick the guys that are "bad" she's more like mom than i am she's the one that would be with a guy for his money or because he "takes care of us" but whatever

Packing Sucks

Sat, 16 Jul 2005 01:53:41 GMT

I'm leaving for Flordia tommorow at like 8 in the morning so i gotta finish packing tonight but i don't want to i gotta dose out my pills and stuffs too but i don't want to do that ethier i can't find my other little pill case thingy and i need it so i'm screwed. I got a bathing suit today :D but the top and bottom don't match but i got it anyway cause i'm weird and chances are no one will see the bottoms anyway cause unless i have boy short bottoms i don't take my shorts off go me *dances* so yea i'm excited about going to Flordia and seeing my family i havent seen them since December, well I saw my Aunt Jane a couple months ago but i havent seen anyone other my Aunt Sue Uncle Marc and cousin Hannah since then so i'm excited especially cause i get to go fishing all day everyday *dances* i sound like such a hick "i get to go fishin ya'll" w00t w00t what can i say? ummmm i had a bronch and a biopsy yesterday so my neck and my throat hurts. thanks alot bitches. but yea hospitols suck but yet i want to work at one go figure :) but yea i need to take a shower but i don't really want to but i need to cause i won't have time tommorrow so yea. my step brother works with Nikko (sp) from Brookwood i haven't talked to him in forever but he was in my 6th grade class and i had the biggest crush on him. but yea i'm gonna go take a shower now